Tango Story Time The figurine

Did you know there are tango dancers who proudly admit they didn’t learn tango from anyone—no lessons, no teachers?

Argentines have countless ways to make fun of people—some playful, some not so much.

In the tango world, we have a few favorites. Let me introduce you to the “Wedding Cake Figurine” — Muñeco de Torta.

Female Tango Dancer (FTD): Marce, just look at him.

Me: Who is he? I’ve never seen him before.

FTD: He’s a self-proclaimed tango teacher. Un muñeco de torta.

I swear, just by looking at him—you know he sucks in bed.

The way he stands and pretends to know... it’s like he spent more time drilling moves in front of the mirror to Instagram than dancing in a milonga.

Me: Brutal. But fair.

In Argentina, we’re really good at reading body language—especially women.

She’s a gorgeous, talented Argentine tango dancer. She has a great job and doesn’t need to play the tango politics—because she’s not trying to be a pro.

FTD: He’s just a character to dance one warm-up song with, to practice ochos… but after that? Empty.

Me: This is one of the best chats I’ve had all year. You’re amazing.

FTD: Marce, I’m tired of these guys. I go to the milonga to feel something—to hug and be hugged, como me lo merezco, as I deserve, in the moment.

With those figurines, I can’t. I don’t feel free to be myself.

Because I know they can’t handle me—so I can’t trust them.

I talked to one of those guys once, and just to be polite, I asked who he learned from.

And he said, “With some. I don’t have a teacher,” with this arrogant pride.

If you say “some,” you’re really saying “none.”

Me: I feel you. You're not the first to say that to me.

FTD: You travel. Other teachers do too. Why don’t you say something?

Me: You’re right. I have to admit some mea culpa.

At least he never took a class with me.

FTD: I can tell. But seriously, you guys need to do something.

You and the other maestros—you’re the pros.

The high season in Buenos Aires is getting boring—just full of muñecos de torta, and the dance floor is a mess because of them.

I don’t want to be a pro or a teacher. I know I’m good—but I don’t want to be perfect. That is why they try to cabeceo me.

I want to dance—with my body, with my emotions, with my mistakes.

And with a man who can enjoy who I am.

“If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.”

Me: Wow. I love it. I’m using that in my next Tango Story Time.

FTD: You should. More men need to know how many women here feel about those tango characters.

We don’t accept your cabeceo because—

For a toy, I use the one I have at home.